52 Pick-Up
by Baymel Hirel
Summary: It was just a game while the thunder rumbled outside the bedroom door. It was just a game until it became something more. And now years has past since that day, where Hiro once played. While he finds the 51 cards, he only kept one. And perhaps one day, they will reunite, and play once more in the night.
1. Chapter 1

**I am making this into a story! Yayy! The song I used is Je' Taime, and it is going to be a _crucial_ edition to this story. Thanks so much for reading it and please, enjoy! 'Cause I enjoyed writing this story. Love ya!**

* * *

There was no storm whirling outside. No, the clouds were covering the dark canvas up above, but there was no rain. And there was no thunder. The wind was soft, and the moon shined its light from behind the wispy clouds that would soon form into a bigger one. The Hamada's household was somewhat peaceful; it wasn't anymore peaceful than their next door neighbors. The only noise you would hear, were the little rodents and cockroaches that scattered when light caught them. The boys would always shine the light on the bugs, trying to see how many they could kill. Sure it was gross, but what other games _can_ you play without getting seen or captured, or getting bored by playing the same game everyday?

"'Dashi! 'Dashi! I wanna play with your cards!" The hyperactive four-year old Hiro giggled, jumping up and down while his pajama pants were practically falling.

His older brother just finished shuffling, laughing at Hiro's enthusiasm. "Sure thing! Let's play 52 Pick-Up. What do you say? But uh, we can put a spin on it, like... Um, whoever collects all 52 cards in less than 5 seconds, wins!"

"Okay!" Hiro smiled, getting ready to go all out. He squatted, rolling up his sleeves with a cute devilish smile, something you wouldn't expect.

Tadashi laughed, throwing the cards in the air, watching it fall onto the floor as Hiro was already picking up cards. "1...2...3...4-"

"Boys, you're too loud. Get in your beds right now," their mother came into their room frantically, locking the windows. She flicked off the lights, quickly grabbing a candle and placing the fire as it illumine the room only by a little. But it was enough to guide them to their bed."They're coming okay, so don't make a sound, and don't make a peep," she whispered the last part.

"But mommy! I didn't get to finish picking up the cards!" Hiro whined, still standing in the middle of the room while Tadashi was already in their bed.

"I'm sorry baby, but now is not the time for games. Let's go," she said, picking up Hiro who dropped all but one card. The 7 of hearts. She placed him on the bed, tucking him inside the blankets. The mother had a ghost smile plastered on her lips while she pushed back some of Hiro's hair, kissing him on the forehead. She had to make sure they weren't afraid. She had to make sure they were calm. "Do you want me to sing you a song? The usual song?" She asked both Hiro and Tadashi.

They both nodded, as Tadashi snuggled up next to Hiro. The mother smiled, clearing up her throat, "very well."

 _"Je t'aime, je t'aime toujours. I am forever yours. Sweet dreams, sweet dreams mon cher. You're always in my prayers. Softly, sweetly, wrapped up in heaven's arms. Sailing, soaring, over the moon gathering stardust_ -" The mother jumped at the loud knocking that came from outside the room. "Don't make a noise and be very, _very,_ quiet. Okay?"

The two nodded, while Hiro held his card close to his chest. "Why is there so much noise, 'dashi?"

The mother left the room, shutting the door behind her. She just prayed they wouldn't make any noise, and she prayed Hiro would be that strong, smart little boy she grown to love and nourished. She didn't worry about Tadashi, she knew Tadashi would protect his little brother with all his heart. She just knew. He would make sure Hiro doesn't get scared. As long as they both are safe, and together, no harm would come to them. She just knew.

"It's um, it's just the thunder. That's all..." Tadashi lied, holding his brother closely in his arms. "Remember what mommy told us, to be still okay? And if the door starts banging, we have to run into our hiding spot, al'right?"

"But what about the game?" Hiro asked, looking up at Tadashi's face, that was lit by the candle's fire.

"Tomorrow, alright my little knucklehead?" Tadashi smiled, hugging Hiro even tighter.

Nothing was going to hurt Hiro, so long as he lives.

 _Be still; Be safe; Be sure._

The footsteps increased, and the noise rose louder than thunder. The mother's bellowing made Tadashi flinched, trying his hardest to make Hiro not cry or worry. He kept whispering it was just the thunder. Just the thunder... But it wasn't. Not even close. It was the men who hated his family, the men who hated this country, and the horrible men that killed their father. And now, they kept demanding the mother to be quiet, threatening they will kill her. Just like their father. And everyone else who are deceased in this pitiful country. And while Hiro was too young to understand anything, Tadashi knew just a little bit to understand, these men were not their friends.

 _Je t'aime, je t'aime toujours._

"They aren't here! I told you I never had any children!"

"You're a liar and I know it! You can't hide them from us!"

 _Wishing, praying, all of your dreams come true_

The bedroom door began to bang as Tadashi jumped out of bed, grabbing Hiro's hand, whispering to him to not make a sound. They ran towards the other side of the dark room, and went into the medium sized closet, shutting the door as Tadashi quickly moved over the clothes, revealing a hidden door that came with the ancient house. The bedroom door flung opened, and Tadashi's heart was racing. He quickly yanked Hiro, helping him down the hole.

"Wait 'Dashi-!"

 _Please remember_

"Sh!"

The men were storming the room as Tadashi tried to come down as well. He was too slow however because one of the men were about to open the closet door. Tadashi shut the hidden door, clumsily reaching for the clothes back to cover the door. Tadashi jumped up, nearly freaking out trying to find another spot to hide. He hid posthaste behind the coats and jackets, crouching down in the corner.

 _Where 'ev you are..._

The mother ran into the room with tears streaming down her eyes. "You'll never find them," She glared, watching the devil himself, rummaging the bedroom.

Tadashi looked up top and saw the shelf. Before the closet door opened, he reached up top, climbing up the wall and onto the little shelf that laid above him. He peered down below, wiggling himself until he hid behind some boxes. He had to reach Hiro somehow. The eight year old boy had to think fast before running carelessly. The closet opened, and Tadashi stared down, hoping they wouldn't find the hidden door. It was Hiro and Tadashi's little hiding spot ever since they moved to the house. They played hide and seek. It was actually a small little elevator that laid vacant, it was suppose to deliver small goods or small objects down below. Even though it was suppose to be up against the wall, there was a mistake and it was instead on the ground. The Hamada family had to board it up in case Hiro fell down. And it has always been Tadashi's and Hiro's little hiding spot. The man finally entered the closet, moving some of the clothes revealing the door.

 _My heart is with you_

Tadashi had to think fast before they found his little brother. He quickly bit his lip, rolling off the shelf and crashing on top of the man before he could open the door. Tadashi whimpered once he hit the surface and slithered off. Hiro, who was still down below, heard the noise, knowing all too well he had to be silent. But where was his older brother? He was suppose to be here! Hiro can't be all alone, it's dark and scary down there.

Hiro shut his eyes even though it was pitch black down there, and silently wept to himself, pulling his knees closer and closer to his chest. He brought his shaky hands to cover his ears, blocking the noise, whispering, it was only thunder. Just like Tadashi said.

"Tadashi! _No_!" His mother shrieked, fearing that the other two men would kill him. They stomped over to Tadashi while he fearfully walked back into the wall. "You leave my baby alone!"

 _Sweet dreams, sweet dreams mon cher_

The mother quickly grabbed the men's arm, pulling them away from her son. The man quickly turned around, seizing the mother's neck and pinning her up against the wall roughly. Tadashi stared at the back of closet witnessing his mother struggling to be free. He wanted to yell, and scream, and do something but he was too petrified to do anything.

While watching what was going on, the man that was trampled on the floor, rose up from the ground, glaring at Tadashi with the most evil look. "You little _prick_!" He growled, punching Tadashi until he fell on the floor.

"Mommy!" Tadashi cried, holding his bloody nose with his tiny hands.

 _Always in my prayer, I am forever yours_

The mother finally stopped squirming, while the men grabbed Tadashi, snatching him out of the bedroom. "Mommy! Mommy please! Please mommy!" Tadashi cried, while the men yanked his hair to get him to stop crying. Only, it didn't work.

"Now you listen here boy, your mother is fucking dead, now if you don't shut the _fuck_ up, I would do a lot more than punch your pathetic, whiny face! Understand?"

Tadashi whimpered, reluctantly nodding with his lip shivering. Tadashi slowly looked back, and at the corners of his eyes, he saw the door that was left untouched. Even though he was caught, he couldn't help but smile even a little bit, knowing his little brother would be safe. Even if it meant costing his own life. _Please be alright, Hiro. Please..._

 _Je t'aime, je t'aime_

Hiro heard nothing but silence, and still kept his card tightly grasped in his hands. He fell asleep after awhile, and the next time he woke up, it has already been two days that past. Two other men opened the door, with badges on their uniforms. Hiro wiped his tired eyes, wondering who they were and why were they here. And where was his older brother 'Dashi and mother? And why did his head hurt so much? He just wanted to have his parents and brother. Where were they?

"We found one survivor..." One of the police officers spoke into his handheld transceiver. "Come on here little boy, you're safe now, alright?" The police officers softly spoke, lifting up the fragile and frail boy from the hole.

Hiro squinted his eyes from the blinding sun's light, shielding his eyes with his tiny hands "where's my mommy?"

The two officers looked at each other, not sure what exactly to say.

"Where's 'Dashi? Where are they?" Hiro asked once more, with his tiny voice shaking and his eyes becoming glossy.

He was scared, beyond scared even. But then, he remembered the game from last night. 'Dashi probably just went to go and look for cards. Hiro looked around seeing that the 51 cards were missing, and the whole bedroom was in disarray. Hiro quickly looked away, already knowing Tadashi was not looking for the cards. And instead, he kept his card of 7 of hearts in his pasty hands.

Forever and always, until he finds them again.

 _...Toujours._


	2. Chapter 2

Hiro was seated on the most uncomfortable chair, with a warm blanket covering his back. He still kept the card in his frail hands not knowing what was going on. They just told him to wait here. Wait here for what, though? Nobody was coming, nobody. He's all alo-

 _"_ Hiro? _Hiro!?_ "

Little Hiro promptly averted his vision, catching his glance at a frantic lady running towards the door, as the police officers allowed her in.

She ran towards Hiro, cupping his chubby cheeks with her clammy hands. She made her way up until she ran her fingers through his messy hair. She hasn't seen him in 7 months, and because of this, she was holding him tightly, nearly collapsing on the floor. "Oh my God, thank God you're alright. You're okay, you're okay. I'm so, so, _so_ sorry about what happened baby. I'm so sorry. Are you hurt? Did they hurt you?" Cass said, kissing Hiro's forehead before finally covering him with her arms wrapped around him.

Hiro slowly placed his arms around the lady, nuzzling up against her. "Auntie Cass I'm okay. B-but 'Dashi - where is he?"

His soft, gentle, words shattered Cass's heart into thousands of shards. She could feel him hiccuping, trying to let out his little tears. She kept petting the back of his head, trying to find words that would describe the situation. Trying to find words that could perhaps soothe the tension. "He's... He's just at some other place. But trust me baby, we'll find him soon, okay? And we'll all be together again."

Cass's voice was raspy - she was trying her hardest not to cry. But it wasn't working.

"Including mommy?"

Cass nearly chocked, still shaken that her sister was deceased, and brutally strangled to death. But how can you tell a 4 year old boy, he will never see his family again? You can't. And you can't twist the truth saying empty promises that he will see them again. That they will come back. It was wrong, and she couldn't bare a single moment caught in this awful reunion.

"Listen, _mon cher_ , she isn't coming back. She went somewhere that won't allow us to see her."

"You mean... she's dead too?"

The four year old was smart, she knew that, and she should have known he would have guessed that from the get-go. It was probably because Cass still couldn't accept the fact she would never see her sister again. At least she had one memory of her, and Hiro sure did have some familiar characteristics. Just like her sister's big, brown eyes.

"Yeah... She's dead," Cass' voice cracked, holding Hiro even tighter.

The 7 of hearts is a card Hiro kept that night. And already two was gone. Hiro wasn't going to let this card go, not for a long time. Not even for ten years.

* * *

I never told anyone of my older brother, not to my friends, not to my teachers, and Cass and I, we barely mention him. It was like Tadashi was unknown, like he never existed. Nobody knew that I came from France either; I kept that a secret, for good intentions too. Mostly because I don't want to remember what happened... I don't want to relive the sounds of terror my brother and mother made when _I_ was trapped down below. Knowing that if I could, I would have saved them. I can't even tell you have many night terrors I had for a whole year. I had to take therapy until I was almost 6. It was hard, and even then, I still wonder 'till this day, where he could be. If he's even alive, I mean. I have read many newspapers about survivors of the Pillopijene. It was some secret society, apparently they still exist to this day, in some secretive place no one had ever found.

Despite how far technology has become. It was still awful, they burned their prisoners with metal sticks. They skinned them alive and left them to die, sometimes they just beat them up indescribably. They took a selective few who wouldn't follow orders and did the most despicable things. Nobody was alive to tell the story of what they did, but I can only imagine. I just hope Tadashi was alright. He never deserved any of it. He sacrifice his life for mine. And I know this because I heard him saying 'no' right before the guy tried to open the door. I heard a loud thud and that's when the screaming really started to kick in.

All I remember was how dark it was down there. It was pitch black; there was no food, no water, nothing to do. And I was afraid to open the door, so I did what they told me to do. I stayed still. And I ended up sleeping for two days straight. When I finally woke up, I woke up to sunlight. And let me tell you, it blinded me so. Aunt Cass had to calm me down so many times...

All I know is that if I could, I would've done something. I really would have.

Well anyway, it's better not to dwell on the past, because once you start talking about everyone, you start missing everybody. And it's the truth. I stared at the window, watching the fluffy clouds going with the wind. Very often we take precautions in case the Pillopijene bombs San Fransokyo. Everyday in school, everyone is just in fear. Well, mostly the teachers. Everyone else kind of just laughs and hangs out with each other. We try not to think about anything. You see, the Pillopijene is so secretive; they're so advance with technology that nobody knows if they're even coming.

Their planes are invisible, and scanners of the satellites can barely catch a glimpse, or even know if the planes are even there _because_ of it's invisibility. I mean, I have to admit, it's pretty scary how much we don't know. In the university it's even more lame. Sometimes I rather just not think about any of it. But being the 14-year old prodigy I am, it's impossible to do that. I know so many things I wish I didn't have. And if I didn't have, I'd probably be a hell of a lot happier.

The United States changed because of it. They took the most popular cities, enlarged them and then built a large fence around the perimeter. It wasn't no ordinary fence; they implanted a chip inside us. When I transferred here, they took a tracker and injected me with this bright ass, blue colored nanobot. It's so small, you barely feel it. It stays in place too, the light is still visible though. Basically, it warns you how close you get to the fence. The closer you get, the more it vibrates, if you get too close, it shocks you. And it hurts like hell.

I still have a scar. I was never informed until after it happened. It makes you feel like you've lost all control in your body. As if you're not yourself. It was like, a thousand knives just piercing you, or like, being freezing to the point you can't move. And then when I fell to the floor, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. I couldn't see. Everything was blurry to me, and then I slipped into a long sleep. Their medicine helped me wake up, so I suppose I was in a coma. Yeah... It was awful. Basically, if you get within a certain radius with the fence, it blows you up without a warning. The worse part is, I can't leave.

I'm stuck here until they get rid of the Pillopijene. Which can take forever. For years, perhaps when I'm dead even. You see, I could leave France, because then and still now, they never had enough money to put up that fence. You see back then, or at least when I read the history books, all the countries were friends after World War III. Yes, even America and North Korea became friends. ISIS was no longer there, and we all helped each other out; I guess there was still a good amount of people who didn't approve. And now, none of the countries are allies. After Japan went under a harsh attack, all the countries tried to help. But they all got into a harsh disputation. Nobody was on the same page and it was chaos. After that, the U.S decided to combine California with Japan. And that's what made San Fransokyo. A lot of Japanese refugees escaped Japan to America, and we changed the name San Francisco.

But everything was chaos; sure, we may not fight with other countries, but after that we never helped each other again. Japan is under the control of the Pillopijene; a lot of people died. If you were to even try and visit, there would be nothing but ashes, and the air is this reddish-orange, ominous cloud of dust. Cars are flipped over, blown apart, buildings have been discarded, mold and new forms of plants has formed over the buildings. It's toxic there, if you were to visit Japan without a mask, you'd die within seconds.

If we were all friends again, France wouldn't have an issue. And my mother wouldn't be dead. My father would be alive. And Tadashi, would be right here next to me. If only.

"Hiro!" my aunt called out my name, peeking her head through my bedroom door. "Can you feed Mochi for me? I gotta run to the store and buy some more cat food and stuff. I'll be back soon. Remember, don't open the door for anybody unless they use our special code. Be back soon sweet potato."

I never understood why she called me sweet potato. Whenever I was like, 8, I asked her to stop. She... She never stopped.

"Sure thing! Bye aunt Cass," I said, rolling off from my bed.

I live alone in my bedroom and I have to admit, it's huge for no reason. It's all the way up in the attic, however it's really warm though so, I can't complain. I did what I was told, and fed Mochi. The cat is already fat enough, I'm pretty sure she ate our last night dinner anyway. She does that a lot. If we leave our plate, she'll eat it like a voucher. She probably is one. Once the cafe closes, Mochi would sometimes come out and look for some more treats. She's funny like that. Either way, she's still the greatest cat ever. Besides, who can really sit here and cuddle with a big cat that is extremely lazy. She's so warm, she's like a heated pillow. Mochi is the best.

Today is such a slow day, I'm tired and it's pretty dismal outside. I guess I'm just lonely. I mean, it wasn't like I had any friends to really hang out with. It doesn't really help that I am also pretty anti-social. Totally not my fault though. I have my reasons. Even if it's bad...

I leaped on top of the sofa, resting my feet on top of the arm rest, switching on the television. T.V would probably have _some_ thing interesting. I rolled my eyes, why was Cass watching the Lifetime channel? Everyone knows their movies are sappy. I began pressing random buttons, accidentally turning on the news. But they had something interesting on, so I left it there. Watching it carefully. Listening to it like my life depended on it. What if my...

Something... Something happened...?

" _We have some new information about the Pillopijene; the public officials has stated that the U.S military found five new survivors of the terrible group. We will name their names and if you know any information about them, please call the following number down below. 1-847-653-8000. I will repeat once more, please call 1-847-653-8000 if you know any information about these victims. Here they are: Ethel Louey, Jaleen Roberson, Aiko Miyazaki, Fredrick Lee, and Tadashi Hamada-"_

Did I... Did I hear them right? Did they just say Tadashi Hamada? Nah, he's gone. He's gone... He's _gone_. I know he's gone. He's not... _What_?

 _"- pictures and repeat their names once more. The number will be placed down below along with our website. Ethel Louey, Jaleen Roberson, Aiko Miyazaki, Fredick Lee, and Tadashi Hamada. If-"_

From that moment, I swear to God I felt my whole heart stopping. It was like the most bizarre thing. Tadashi's alive. Ha _ha_ , he's _alive_. After all this time... I thought he was _dead._ He's alive. My brother, _my_ brother is actually, he's actually alive. I couldn't - I can't even breathe, and I even unconsciously raised my hand to my head, running through my hair, because, because this isn't real. No, this is just, this is just some cruel joke my mind is playing me.

Wake up, wake up Hiro. "Hiro wake up!" I grunted, shutting my eyes tightly while I pinched my skin as hard as I could and nothing happened.

Nothing changed.

What... What if it's true? What if this _Tadashi Hamada_ is my brother? Oh my - oh my lord. My mind was swirling out of control by the time I jetted off the sofa. I nearly tripped my way up the stairs because of how fast I was going, and how slippery my socks were. I vamoosed to my room not even bothering sitting down in my chair. Not caring how many items I knocked down. I had the phone right next to me and everything. Everything was going way to fast for my own mind to comprehend; it felt too surreal. My fingers fumbled against the keys on the keyboard until I went on the new's website. I read the same article they shared on the television... And it was real. He's alive... My brother's alive.

"You're safe..."


	3. Chapter 3

**The song was "Hurts Like Hell" by Fleurie in case you were wondering. I just did the ending of the song, it's a nice song though, I don't know. It gave me inspiration to write this chapter the way I did. c:**

* * *

 _I loved, and I loved and I lost you..._

You know, there is this word called nonplussed, which basically means that you're too surprise and confused to the point you're unsure how to react. Whether you should be scared, relieved or not, I had no freaking clue what I should do. This was like some sort of strange T.V. show or, sci-fi movie where the dead comes back. When the person you thought you were never going to see again - you see again. I didn't know what to do. So I did what any other strange 14 year old boy did.

I stood in front of my computer screen for the longest time in complete awestruck; you would think I was being suctioned in. But the truth is, my whole body froze when I saw _his_ name. It was the most peculiar and unfamiliar word my eyes have ever laid eyes on. Perhaps, it's been too long since I have seen his name. Since I have heard his name. Since I have mentioned his name. Since I have even spoken out his name.

Where was aunt Cass? She needs to come home now. I need to tell her that Tadashi is alive. That he's breathing. Or could... be breathing. I mean, someone being found doesn't necessarily means they're alive. I hope he is. He probably is though, right? Yeah, he's got to be. Ugh, where is she? I really need to call that number. I stared at my window, watching the birds flying away, she should be coming home soon. It would be fine if I called, right? It wouldn't hurt, because then I can just wait for her to come... I yanked the flat phone from my desk, dialing the number. I had to talk to them, I need to talk to _him._

" _Hello?"_

I didn't know what to say in these situations so instead, I just let my mind run my mouth. "Yeah hello? Hello! Is Tadashi Hamada alright? Is he alive?"

 _"Are you a realt-_ "

"Yes! Yes of _course_ I am his relative! I'm his younger brother, Hiro Hamada. Is he _alive!?_ " I didn't intend to sound so harshly, but I don't care about introductions, I just want to talk to him.

 _"Yes sir, he is alive. He's in St. Chesire Hospital, we were waiting for someone to call for him. Can you come here? Someone will ask you to come in, ask you for some details, and tell you everything. Thank you for calling, we're very appreciative that his family members are still alive and well. And that he does have a family of his own. I know how much this must be a big deal to you._ "

 _Me too._ "Oh you have no idea. Thank you miss, thank you a lot."

I hung up the phone, still in disbelief. What do I do now? I don't know how long Cass is going to be. I'll just wait outside the cafe, I mean, there was nothing else to really do. I can't go to the hospital all by myself, Cass would be devastated if she finds out I'm missing. She'll think I'm like, dead or something. Which I am most certainly not, but still. I have to make sure she knows I'm alright. I threw on my hoodie and my shoes, waiting outside in the spring's air. Come on Cass, hurry up, would ya?

The city of San Fransokyo was rather noisy, and the trolleys were driving on the road on it's regular schedule. Cars drove past shops, and people walked in crosswalks. I often pondered if they ever had any family members taken from them. If they too, came from a different country in hopes to be safe. I wonder if they ever think, 'wow, I'm lucky to be alive'. I wonder if they even know that people have been taken away from their families. If they even care... They all seem to be in their own little worlds, being _blissfully_ ignorant. _Laughing_ with each other, arguing with each other, fighting with each other, _loving_ each other... I doubt for a minute they ever think to wonder, how _damn_ lucky they are.

"Hiro, what are you doing outside?"

Woah, when did she get here? Doesn't matter. "Cass I have something urgent to tell you," this was the moment of truth, and let me tell you something. I was getting really excited, I was so relieved, and all of my stresses just went out the window. "Tadashi's alive! He's alive! I saw it on the news and I-I didn't believe it. But I called the number and, aunt Cass, he's alive!"

Cass had the same expression I had when I first heard it, disbelief. She quickly opened the door throwing the groceries on the floor, not caring what happens to them. "Where Hiro? Where is he?"

I had to think about it for a moment, everything was going too fast that I had a brain fart. "Uh, uh, um, S-St. Chesire hospital, they told me some guy was going to ask questions or something like that. Come on! Let's go!"

I grabbed her hand, running towards the trolley. They usually head over to the hospital in less than ten minutes. I just can't wait, I can't wait until I find Tadashi who is _alive_. Until I can finally hold him again... When I can finally hear him breathe. When I can hear his voice. When I can feel his heart beat. When I can see that he's alive. I don't care how older he got, or what he even looks like now. I'm just glad my brother is back. I'm just grateful he's alive.

For ten years I prayed every night Tadashi was okay, now I know he is. I know that he's alive and he is breathing. It was the most terrific thing that has ever happened in my life. It was the only wish that I wished for on a shooting star. The only wish, I wished for when the clock struck 11:11. The only wish I wished for when I blew out my birthday candles, when I caught those fluffy, flying white things that are the size of a wispy ball, or when I blew on a dandelion. I wished on everything I could wish upon, just praying that Tadashi would come back to me. That I will have my brother again.

For the longest time, my whole entire life has consisted this one, long empty vessel that I absolutely detested. I often thought my whole existence was trivial if I had nothing to live for. Everyday was cast around by fear, and worries, and emptiness. No one was ever there for me except for Cass. Kids and teachers thought I was crazy when I was younger because every loud noise, every thunder rumbling, every plane passing, every fireworks exploding, every child screaming, had me terrified. They never knew why I was so afraid and they often mocked me for it. Even to this day, I'm known as the boy who's crazy for being afraid of stupid shit.

It's just because they never knew a damn thing that happened to me. The only person I have ever told was my next door neighbor, who was two years older than me. We would hang out with each other and one day he asked me why I was afraid of these things, I told him the truth. And he was the only one I told. But I never mentioned Tadashi. Tadashi was mine, and mine only. They didn't deserve to know him if he wasn't with me right now. Because words can't describe him. For as long as I remembered, he was kind, brave, and loved to take charge. He made sure I was kept out of trouble and I was safe.

For ten years I had no guidance like the guidance he gave me. For ten years I grew up without a mother, and a best friend who was my brother. So right now, right when I'm about to go into the hospital, I swear to God I felt my whole life flash before my eyes. I was completely nervous. What do I say? Who do I do? What if he's all different, or something? This whole situation was in disarray. Nothing was organized. Right from the very start I thought today would be like any other day, a boring, meaningless day.

Not right now. Not this moment.

"Excuse me, we're here to see Tadashi Hamada," I patiently asked, I could already see from the corners of my eyes that tears were forming in Cass's.

The lady told me to pause for a moment as she picked up a phone, asking for Detective Grenard. They did tell me they were going to ask us questions. I just hope they're not personal. And I most certainly hope I don't have to say what I've saw. "He will be with you soon, please just stay here, it will only take a minute."

Cass and I stayed, looking around for the guy to come towards us. Every second passing, I felt anxiety just rising up. Boiling in the pot, just about to spill over the edge. I couldn't wait, I had to see him. I need to see him. I need to.

"Hello, Hiro," the guy smiled. "I was told you were the caller. You must be his mother. I'm detective Rob Grenard, but for cases like these, you could just call me Rob."

Cass itched her nose awkwardly, before telling the guy who she was. "I'm actually their aunt. My name is Cass, how do you do? How is he? Is he alright? I just really want to see him," Cass desperately asked, not caring about this guy at all.

"Right, just, I need you to answer a few questions, and then you could see him. Alright?"

We both reluctantly agreed, while the guy made us followed him to some quiet, empty room. It was small and cramped, and it smelled of moldy paint or something. It was very unpleasant. The whole time I just wanted to get out of there. Along with not answering these trifling questions. "Alright. How long has he been missing?"

Damn it. They were. "Around ten years," I said.

"Do you remember how you two got separated?"

"Do I have to answer?"

I really didn't want to remember it again.

"I'm sorry, but yes."

"I'm afraid I don't remember," I lied, keeping my face locked in the same expression.

It was futile to answer these type of questions, I wasn't going to answer them. I wasn't going announce how my brother and I became apart. Quite frankly, I rather not talk about him at all. I do however, want to see him. Like, right freaking now.

You could tell the detective knew I was lying but instead, he continued. "Well, one last question. Do you know how old he is?"

"...He should be 18 right now, can I please see him now?" I was getting really impatient right now, I just need to see him. That's all.

"Yes you may, but I have to warn you. He is dealing with severe PTSD, usually victims who suffer from that don't respond very well to the people they once knew. And, I'm very sorry but, I'm afraid he won't remember you." Rob took a short break, probably wondering if he should console my aunt, who was dabbing her eyes with a tissue, not completely surprise about Tadashi's amnesia. Rob cleared his throat before continuing. "I would often come and visit to check up on him. You live above the Lucky Cat Cafe right? If you have any more information, please contact me on this number. He's in room C - 24."

Rob gave me a card with a phone number written on it. I took the card placing it in my pocket before jumping off from my seat. I need to see Tadashi, I need to see him. Cass and I made it on the elevator, while I pressed the button I was tapping my foot against the floor. Thinking about how _damn_ slow this elevator is. You wanna know what I care right now? I cared about getting to my brother. I don't give a damn if he doesn't remember me. As long as _I_ remember him, and as long as he's alive and _breathing_ , I will not give a shit about anything. Even if he doesn't ever recognize me, and possibly won't even give a crap about me unlike before, I would still be happy. And I would even forgive him.

 _I loved, and I loved... and I lost you._

He was going to be mine and mine only, and dammit, that's how it's going to be! That's how it should have been. You could bang my head against the wall or something, or kill me instead of him but - as long as he is still living, I'm consent. I just don't want to lose anymore family members. That's all, I can't. If I were to lose my father, mother, Tadashi, _and_ aunt Cass, I think I might actually lose it. And I mean like, a danger to myself and everyone around me. I wouldn't even be classified as a human. They would lock me up in a metal cage and place me in a zoo, while foam would be coming out of my mouth. Just to give you a visual how insanity would transformed me into something odious.

I continued to frantically walk through the hallway just like how my aunt was, right before seeing me. However, while I was walking, I took quick glances at the moaning patients. This must be the area where the lost has been recovered...

There was this one room, that had me sick to my stomach. I regretted looking at it because it was awful. A young boy had blood everywhere. And I mean _everywhere_ , I mean all over his blankets and sheets, his parents even had blood. His leg was all twisted around, and his foot has been severed. His parents were wailing out loud like it was their fault for letting him go or something. Sure, I saw a lot of mutated people when I looked through the opened curtains but this boy, he appeared to be no older than 3 years old. I almost went in there just to hold the boy.

But that would be too weird.

I held my hands together tightly by the time we reached his door. I could hear the faint sounds of the heart monitor beeping steadily through the door. He is actually alive. It's been ten years... I wonder what he looks like. They said he wouldn't remember me, but what if he did? What if somehow, miraculously my gorgeous face brought him back? Or maybe I just need to sing him that song! The little lullaby our mother would sing us to sleep. How did it go again? Je toujour or something? I'll figure it out somehow.

My emotions is just on this never-ending roller coaster ride; every nerve in my body was on fire. And once I opened that door, seeing him on the bed like that, staring at the wall - it made me depressed instead of relief. And God, when I tell you I wanted to leave. I mean, I wanted to _leave_. It was just... not like him. He almost looked like he was dead. Like, they took every single piece of humanity in him, and shredded it. His eyes were like dead fish eyes, they were dull and lifeless. They didn't even blink, they didn't move, even when I was moving slowly towards him, he didn't flinch. They were right about the severity of PTSD.

Cass couldn't wait any longer though, she had to hug him. "Tadashi? Tadashi baby, it's me, Cass."

Cass carefully placed her hand on Tadashi's broad shoulder, and I was completely heart-broken. Because as soon as Tadashi felt Cass touching him, he freaked. And when I mean freaked, I mean, nurses came running trying to calm him. But they should have known he was inconsolable. The terror on Tadashi's face had me wishing I never called that number. His gut-wrenching screams were undeniably shattering and distressing. It was like he was remembering his torturers doing something to him.

 _I loved, and I loved and I lost you..._

Cass was holding her hands close to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. It was catastrophic. There had to be multiple nurses to inject a needle through Tadashi's arm just to calm him down, mostly because he was swinging and even _tossing_ nurses away from him. Within a few seconds, he was fast asleep. They informed us that he needs to get used to you before making any "irrational movements". But I can't blame Cass for what she did, for a moment, apart of me yearned to hug Tadashi. I mean, I had to.

How would you feel, when you see your brother's face all disfigured? When his eyes used to glow with happiness and vivaciousness. When his skin wasn't pale, but instead it was healthy and glowing. And despite having to grow up with little food, he wasn't completely bony. And when he was staring at nothingness, he looked like his soul was ripped apart. Before, he was this ebullient child - I was more of a handful, but we were both lively.

No, now his eyes were this murky color, and his hair was lifeless - as if he was a dead person; his skin was pasty like he has never seen sunlight, and his arms were muscular but towards his wrist, it was frighteningly skinny. His cheek bones were highly visible, and his lips were chapped and busted with a couple of stitches beside it. A purple color was surrounding his left eye, and his nose was all bandaged up. His chin had a scab that looked like it's been ripped off, his forehead had a nasty scar right above his left eyebrow. The tip of his right ear was bloody and wrapped around in a bandage, his neck looked like it's been burned, strangled, and even sliced open.

His arms were cut and burned as well, and from the looks of it, his right leg was badly infected. Like... Please God forsake it but, as if it needed to be amputated. And those were the many bruises and cuts that were _visible_ , who knows what was under that hospital gown. And who knows what sort of traumatic pain they caused inside his damaged mind. It was clear as day that his sanity was slipping. You know how many people he must have saw being tortured too? How many people he felt like he could have saved? How many bodies he saw being dragged away? Here I had night terrors, he lived in one for a decade! He's been through hell when he shouldn't have. Not for me at least. I deserve that. Oh hell I deserve it.

The only question I had in my mind was: what kind of human-being would ever do this a person? Who would honestly make it their life goal to injured the weak? Who? This overwhelming sadness crashed into me like an ocean tidal wave, I felt like crying. This was just so sad, here I am, thinking it would be a happy reunion. I finally saw my brother for over a decade - who is not my brother at all. He's an 18-year old man who had men torture him to no end. Those ruthless sons of bitches _took_ my brother when they stole him away from me.

And I can never get that back. Oh dear God, why? Why couldn't it have been me?

 _And it hurts like hell..._


	4. Chapter 4

It was quiet after that.

There was no noises coming from Cass or I. The heart monitor was of course beeping, but that was it. It was strange, I didn't understand what was going on. Apart of me wanted to go near Tadashi and tell him it was me, but I can't. I don't want to cause him more agony.

"Hello?"

Cass and I looked turned around, seeing a doctor with a clipboard walking in the room. Probably here to spread some more bad news. It was something I don't want to listen to, didn't they already do enough?

"Are you his guardian?" The doctor asked Cass, waiting for her to respond.

"Y-yes, why?"

"We need your permission to allow Tadashi go into surgery, m'am."

"Surgery for what?" Cass asked with a hint of fear in her voice. I don't blame her. I was pretty worried too.

"Tadashi's leg... We're sorry to say but - it's too infected for us to save it. He's going to need an amputation..."

"Oh my God..." I saw Cass trying her hardest to hold it all in but, when I saw she couldn't, I hurried to her side before she could dramatically fall on the floor and bawl out, like in those movies.

I knew something bad was going to happen, and I knew Tadashi's leg had to amputated. I jinxed it, that's what I did. And now he's gonna have to wear a prosthetic leg - he will never know how it feels to run with two of his own legs again. How it feels to walk normally, how it feels to _feel_ his leg... All because of me.

It took Cass some time before she went and signed the paper. It was either a do or do. There was no in between, there was no 'no I don't approve' option either, because if we didn't, Tadashi's leg would travel up his body and end up killing him. So we went with choice C; we did the surgery. And when I saw them rolling Tadashi's bed away from his room, it felt like I've already lost him. Like... He was dead or something. But maybe that was just my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe I'm just paranoid.

Cass and I really didn't have any place to go except to wait. To wait and hope that everything would be okay. I mean, that's all we can do. The nurses suggested we should head home though, it was going to take like 6-7 hours and it was already nine at night. I didn't want to go but Cass left me with no choice. We were going to visit her the first thing tomorrow morning.

I decided I should bring Tadashi some things that could remind him - or - the very least soothe his mind. I kept trying to think of the lullaby too but nothing came to mind. I asked Cass about it, she forgot about the song too. She knows which one I was talking about. It was such a beautiful lullaby, how could I forget it?

Maybe I will remember it tomorrow. I don't think Tadashi will remember the card I kept... I mean, it looks like any other card just... worn out and dirty. Maybe I could cook him his favorite food when he was younger. I think it was this one dish maman - uh, I meant my mother - would make every Christmas... I think it was called chocolate souffle or something. I never attempted to cook that so... Hopefully it tastes just like how she made it. Worth a shot, I suppose.

To be honest, I try my hardest to avoid my usage in the French language and Japanese too, I guess. It just saddens me; gives me things I don't want to remember, y'know? Sorry, this whole day has been off. I guess I'm not really feeling like myself today. I'm just so glad I don't have school tomorrow, that would've been a real pain in the ass.

I couldn't sleep at all, the last time I checked it was already four in the morning. It's like, I can't go to bed unless he comes back home. I guess also because I still can't believe he's alive. But I said that so many times. I wonder how that little boy is doing, if he's even okay. I sure hope so, maybe I can give him my left-over toys. Hopefully that will improve that boy's mood. Whether it was low or not.

Oh my God, I am so tired but I can't even close my eyes. I guess I can make the dessert now. I had the recipe book on the counter with all my ingredients and everything. I ended up working on the dessert until my aunt woke up, by then it was all completed. And warm and the smell of chocolate filled the air like this amazing poison. I gathered up all the toys I was going to give to the little boy, and by then, the mug has cooled down a bit. I placed the plastic wrap over the souffle and then we left.

It was a slow walk over to the hospital, I didn't have anything to say. Neither of us did. And the sleepiness was disappearing the closer I got to the hospital. I walked through the hallway looking for the room with the little boy. It was the same as yesterday: I heard nothing but patients moaning painfully. It was like I was doubting myself that I was in a hospital, it felt like I was in a mental asylum. It was so eerie, and it made me feel so crazy.

"Aunt Cass, I'll catch up with you soon, alright? I have to do something really quickly."

"Like what?" She asked, stopping her tracks.

"I just wanna hand these toys to someone, that's all..."

"I rather wait for you, Hiro."

I figured, she was too nervous probably. "Sure," I said, peering through the open doorway at the boy's family. They all kind of just looked at me with the, 'who-the-hell-is-this-kid?' type of look. Didn't blame them, it was pretty odd of me. "I just came here to deliverer a little present to your son. I saw him yesterday and I guess, I just figured he could use some toys."

"Thank you but, we don't need your sympathetic gifts." The father gave me the evil eyes, telling me I should probably leave.

The boy was asleep so it wasn't like he could make a decision. I just really... I don't know why I did this. What was the point? "Well, just in case, I'll just leave it by the door. And by the way, they're not for you. And I didn't do it because I felt bad, I did it because I wanted to. He looked really upset yesterday, a few more action figures wouldn't kill you to make him less bored when he wakes. Have a good day sir."

Eh, partially true. I did do it because I felt bad for the boy, but I wouldn't admit that to the dad. Cass and I left the little boy's hospital room and went to Tadashi's. I heard the T.V playing from inside, and all of sudden, I didn't want to go in there again. But I did, and sure enough, he was awake. He looked a hell of lot more alive than yesterday. Probably because he ate something and took a shower.

I wonder if he could speak. "H-hey..." I smiled, followed by a small wave.

He didn't smile back at me, but he didn't glare at me either. It was mostly like he didn't care. But then he did something completely unexpected and I felt like crying. "Uh... hey? May I ask who you guys are?"

His voice was different... Well, no shit Sherlock, of course it was different. Nonetheless it was all hoarse and grown up. It was so weird; he was grown up. We both grew up. I didn't even know what to say. Should I say I'm his brother? What if he just freaks out? Obviously he couldn't remember me. I don't know what to do. Cass seems to be in too much shock to notice that I was asking her for help.

"What's that smell? It's smells _really_ good," he said, sniffing the air.

"Oh, it's uh, it's chocolate souffle. Basically it's like chocolate cake. Uh, here you go," I didn't know what to say. It was so weird... It was bizarre. I haven't talked to him in over a decade and now I'm handing him cake.

Tadashi smiled, taking the cake quickly. "Well, damn. This looks mighty good, sir."

"You seem to be in a better mood, " I said too loudly. I earned a hard slap on my arm by that. I deserved it.

Tadashi placed down his cake, and stared at us. "Oh?...I don't know, it just feels better today. Maybe it was the cake!"

"How's your leg?" Cass asked carefully, sitting down on a seat.

Tadashi looked under his blanket and shrugged. "I can barely feel it... It just feels weird. But, the doctors said after a couple of physical therapy for my leg, I should be all good to go."

I took the chair and brought it closer to Tadashi's bed. I'm actually talking to my brother, and I'm right here next to him. Of course I was going to be right here by his side. There was no other place I rather be. "Well I ho-"

Tadashi's voice became loud and ardent, like he was so buoyant it startled me. "Hey! You remind me of someone really important. Maybe it's the eyes..." He stared intensely straight into my eyes to the point it was almost unsettling. "You know... It almost feels like... deja vu... Have we met before?"

I quickly glanced at Cass, who also didn't know what to do. I mean, I guess I should speak out the news. They have him on pills... But still, if I say something, maybe it will trigger him. I don't know. It was worth a shot "Um, we have..." I can't say it. Oh God I really can't say it. Ugh... "You may not remember but uh, I'm your younger brother, Hiro."

And just like that, his smile disappeared. Instead he just stared at me with this confused look, shaking his head like he didn't believe me or something. "I'm really sorry but, you must have me confused with someone else."

... Oh, well that hurt. Like it physically hurt. Why was he in denial? It was the truth. Why would I forget my own brother? Why would he say that? "Um, no. Tadashi, _you're_ Tadashi Hamada. We were born in Bourges, France. We grew up together-"

"I'm really sorry, but no we didn-"

My voice was shrieking by the time my mind was freaking out. How could he say 'no we didn't'? He doesn't remember anything! "Maman would take us to Paris on very, _very_ special occasions. _Remember_? Please say you remember! She got you that book that you always wanted that one time we visited Paris. When we would play inside the house and try and look for things whenever it rained outside. The secret little place that we would play inside our closet. You don't remember me? Look really hard, it's _me_. God please remember _ni-san_ , it's me!"

"Hiro..." Cass quietly said, trying to calm _me_ down.

"I'm sorry, we ne - are you okay? You're freaking me out..."

I yanked his arm tightly, getting off my chair and practically slouching over his bedside, trying not to cry. I can't cry. I really can't. How could he not remember his own brother? Why would I go into someone's hospital room if I didn't know them? What kind of person - oh. But either way, I know my brother. There is only one Tadashi that looks like _my_ Tadashi. And this Tadashi looks like him. We even have the same placement our beauty marks are. He got to remember me.

"Look me in the eye, and say you don't remember me."

"I said you looked _familiar_. But you are not my brother. My brother is _dead_. And I never had two and you're not him... Now, I would appreciate it if you let go of me."

I'm... _Dead_? He thinks I'm dead? I'm not dead. Why can't he just believe I'm his younger brother? Why is he being so difficult? What's so hard to understand? I know what my brother looks like, and my brother is this guy right here next to me. The guy whom I am squeezing his arm with. This is him. I know how he feels. I know it's him. It's no one else _but_ him!

"I'm not _dead_. How many people do you honestly know has the last name Hamada, with the same birthmark placement just on our necks, or can prove it to you by our birth certificates?"

Tadashi snatched his arm off of mine, just shaking his head. "How many times do I have to tell you? My brother's name is not Hiro! Now get out right now! You're not my brother, and you never were... _Get out!_ "

Cass seized my arm, dragging me out of the room and down the hallway. "What is your problem?" I felt Cass yanked my chin, forcing me to look at her. Her nails were practically piercing my skin, and her voice was not gentle like before, it was beyond angry. "Well? _Answer_ me goddammit!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and all sounds went quiet. They stared at us and my cheek was burning so much, it almost hurt more than the pain Tadashi caused. I bit my lip, trying not to burst into tears in front of everyone. It was beginning to get too hard though, and some were slowly coming out. I rest my hand on my cheek that was getting hotter by the second.

"I don't know..." I muttered, taking a silent gulp to myself.

"What did you say? Hiro, speak up. Why did you do that? What's gotten into you? You know how fragile this situation is right now! What you did was wrong!"

Oh, because I was just telling Tadashi the truth and he couldn't accept it, is wrong? "I didn't mean to snap on him on purpose! And I didn't mean to make him freak out either! But he thinks _I'm_ dead! That I'm not alive, and that he doesn't even recognize me! O-or about anything, but _I_ do! That he doesn't even know his freaking brother's name is Hiro! I just want him back! I want ni-san back! I want ma maman back! I want everything back!"

I know I said I would be happy if he never remembers me, or any of that just as long as he is alive, but I never thought it would hurt _this_ much. I can't deal with this anymore, I just can't. I tried way to hard to not let it bother me but I can't. I need to get out of here, I just need to. I didn't even bother taking the elevator, I just ran the hell out of there. My breathes were getting shorter and my throat was burning by the time I was a mile away from the hospital but I didn't stop. I just ran, and ran, and ran. I wanted to get out of here. I _want_ to get out of here.

I'm just so sick and tired of everything. I'm tired of everyone always making fun of me in school, I'm so tired of feeling completely unwanted, and I'm so _sick_ of everything always falling apart. Why does everybody always freaking leaves? As soon as you feel close to someone, they either die, disappear, or just completely forgets about your existence! I just want it to be like before. I'm tired of all of this!

And I am so done with this stupid vibration in my left arm. It's so annoying, I just want to get closer. Maybe I can even make it over the goddamn wall! Maybe I can dig a hole. I just don't want to be here! Screw this stupid bot-shit thing! Screw it all! And screw the vibration that's beginning to hurt, I don't care! All I have to do is ignore it. Just ignore it... Just igno-

Oh come on Hiro, now you wanna act like a wimp? To hell with this God forsaken place. Oh God, I can't even run anymore, the pain gotten a little too much to bare. It was forcing me to walk even slower. I can't though, I want to run.

"Hiro Hamada! Please return back to the safe distant line," I tried to block out the man's deep voice but it grew louder with the microphone he had.

Oh great, of course she called the police. Like that's gonna stop me though. If only I had a sharp knife so I could slice my skin open and take out the robot. Maybe... If I just keep running it would send my body into a much more powerful shock and I would eventually die.

I just gotta get - closer - oh God, this burns. My whole entire left arm had veins popping and parts of it were beginning to bleed. But I can't just stop right now. I can't, I need to keep... Going. Just... At least... To the... Other side... Please, just to the other side. I want to be free from this wall. _Please_ -

" _Ow_ \- _ARGHH!_ "

" _Hirooo!"_


End file.
